OBSERVATIONS ON MY LIFE
I have often regretted that I know so little about my grandparents .
In some cases, I know nothing at all. Some died when I was very young;
others were people my parents took me to visit on occasion, at which
times, following a brief “hello” and a quick peck on the cheek, I was
off to play or otherwise occupy myself until it was time to leave. Yet,
especially as I’ve grown older, I find myself wondering about them. Who
were they really, as people? How did the times in which they lived
effect their lives and choices? What were they like in terms of
personality and appearance? In what ways might I be like them... and so
forth.
These thoughts, then, have given rise to this brief document. It
is my attempt to avoid “the void”, so to speak, for you. It is not a
comprehensive history, nor even a particularly balanced coverage of my
life. It is, rather, my attempt to simply convey enough about me and my
times that you can feel that in some ways you know me.
I was raised in a middle class, Roman Catholic family. I was the second
oldest of five McGraw children : my older sister, Jean, followed
by two younger sisters, Janet and Kathi, and finally in my mid
teens, my brother, Kevin, came along. I don’t know if it was “nature” or
“nurture”, but in my view, all turned out to be intelligent, successful,
and loving human beings. I love them all and always look forward to
getting together with them.
As one might expect, my parents and their life experiences had some
effect on my development.
Both my parents, for example, lived through what’s known as the “Great
Depression”. This extended period of national economic hard times
(spanning most of the 1930s) caused them to be frugal with their money.
Saving for that inevitable “rainy day” was considered a very prudent
strategy. I think in some ways they subscribed to the theory that if
something could go wrong, it would, and that led to a risk-averse
approach to life in general - in jobs, investments, in most things,
really. The safest job was working for the Government, which is what my
father did (as an attorney) . He never owned a stock, investing instead
in the safest possible instruments, i.e. U.S. Treasury Bonds
and Bills. There wasn’t an ounce of entrepreneurial spirit in his
make-up. So, perhaps this is why I, too, spent my working career in
government, never risking a missed paycheck.
My father was serious-minded. Life was work and work meant rolling up
one’s sleeves and putting in maximum effort. The corollary was
that he didn’t enjoy “small talk”; perhaps it struck him as wasting time
which should otherwise have been put to some more worthwhile pursuit.
He was in many ways a self-made man, holding down full time jobs and
being a father and husband while completing, first, an accounting degree
and, then, graduating from law school. He was, among other laudable
qualities, a man of great principle. As for one example, I recall when I
was a young teenager, he and I going fishing in a small rental
boat. We were hot and tired when we returned the boat, but, as we headed
to his car, he realized that he had inadvertently been given too much
change by the boat rental clerk. Another man might just conclude that it
was his lucky day; but not my father. He marched back across the parking
lot, and even stood in line for a few minutes to return the cash.
Lessons like that stick with a son and I’ve found myself doing the same
thing on numerous occasions.
My mother, Catherine Frances Salmon, was quite the opposite personality.
She was charming and witty, loved company, and was gifted with a
forgiving nature. She was entirely devoted to her husband and her
family. Both took their religion seriously, never missing a Sunday mass,
for example. I cannot convey in this abbreviated journal how much I
loved her and the impact she has had on my life. It must suffice to say
that she always had time for me, listening and encouraging me as I
shared with her the odds and sods of my life. I had a morning paper
route as a boy and she and I laughed for years about the days
when, in inclement weather, she would come along in her nightshirt and
drive me around my route in the car. She did it also on those days when
I overslept, which was more often than I wish to own up to.
I see aspects of both of them in my own personality. In my younger years,
I was more social and carefree like my mother; as I’ve aged, I’ve grown
more serious and introspective. As the saying goes, I can sometimes “
see my father’s arm hanging out of my sleeve”.
My father’s father (my grandfather) was Edward McGraw. He died in
1916 when my father was only three yrs. old. My father’s mother
had immigrated from Germany as a child around the turn of the 20th
century. When her husband, Edward, died, she took a clerical job
with the railroad , down in the rail yards. It was there that she met
and subsequently married a widower, who also had a son, a man named
Daniel J. Diffly, whom I knew as my grandfather. He was always pleasant
and loved to sing Irish songs. Yet, my father told me that Grandpa
Diffly had been one of the movers and shakers behind the creation of
labor unions, living through the days of union-busting thugs and other
violent behaviors. He doted on my grandmother, waiting on her hand and
foot. He struck me as being a gentleman in the old sense of the word to
the ladies. I wish I could have known him as an adult.
My Grandmother Diffly was a short little person who no doubt is
responsible for the shortness of my father , myself, and my
sister, Jean. Of all the adults in my family, she alone always found
time during our visits to play games with my sister, Jean, and I ,
loving especially Canasta. As her only natural child , she loved my
father dearly. The life -long coolness that existed between her and my
mother was likely a result of both of them competing for my father’s
attention.
Interestingly, both Difflys lived to be nearly 90 years old.
My mother’s father, John A. Salmon, worked as a ticket agent, also for
the railroad. When I was a child visiting the Salmons, he
was usually at work. He died in 1949 (of a stroke) and I have
virtually no memory of him. My mother was always a bit guarded on the
occasions when I’d ask about him. I surmise he was somewhat strict in
his approach to his children, and not much given to fun and games with
them. Grandma Salmon, on the other hand, was quite outgoing. She loved
nothing better than gathering around her kitchen table with her lady
friends and her grown children and eating , laughing, and chatting up a
storm. She, too, suffered a series of strokes and died in her mid-60's.
One of my few memories as a child was being covered with Poison
Ivy every Spring, for which I was swabbed with Calamine Lotion. I don’t
recall if it really helped with the itching, but Mom tried. There are
old photos around showing me in my Easter suit, covered with this white
salve over all exposed surfaces of my body ! The other bane of my life
was thumb-sucking. I held onto that habit until I was nearly 12 years
old. In attempting to break me of that habit, my thumb was
regularly swabbed with a disgusting tasting substance, which I would
have to endure until I sucked it off! My mother couldn’t bring herself
to inflict it on me, so my father would be the culprit when he came home
from work.
I loved baseball as a boy. I couldn’t wait until Spring rolled around. I
recall playing my first game as a Cub Scout at nine years old. We were
called the “Braves”. Our uniform consisted of a T-shirt with an Indian
head sewed on the front, and a baseball hat with a big letter “B” on it.
But, to top it all off, my parents bought me a pair of baseball cleats.
When I ran out on the field with those cleats on, I felt
like a professional player in that get-up!
I played on various teams, usually two per season, every year until my
eyesight failed me at 16 years old and I got my first pair of glasses.
Oh, and I also had discovered girls by that time as well, consequently
my baseball career retreated into history.
Like most kids, my teenage years where marked by highs and lows,
exaggerated by the emotions of youth. The 1950s were wonderful years in
which to grow up. They saw the birth of “Rock and Roll” and the arrival
of Elvis Presley on the national consciousness.The country had never had
such a large population of youngsters... the so-called “Baby Boom”
generation. Just our sheer numbers forced society to change in many ways
to accommodate us.
For a few, golden years there was an acceptance of America being
the greatest nation on earth.
While domestically, America was prosperous and bursting with new ideas
and opportunities, internationally, a “Cold War” began between the U.S.
and the communist regimes, led by Russia, known collectively as the
Soviet Union. With each country armed with intercontinental nuclear
missiles, the threat of annihilation hung over mankind. This situation
dominated national security, our defense budget, and our international
relations for 40 years. It finally ended with the collapse of the Soviet
Union in 1990.
It was also during my senior year of high school that the first
satellites were launched into low orbit around the earth- first by
the Russians (“Sputnik”), and then, the United States. There was even
talk then of some day achieving the impossible- landing a man on the
moon.
I attended a Jesuit- run high school, Gonzaga, in Washington, D.C. The
academics were quite rigorous and I pleaded with my father to allow me
to attend a public school- to no avail. The highlight of my time in
school was that I won the Best Actor award two year’s in a row in the
annual play competition among all the Catholic high schools in
Washington, D.C. Winning also included a free course in acting at the
Drama Dept. at Catholic University. I was convinced at the time that my
future involved the actor’s life. How wrong I was !
At a Tea Dance sponsored jointly with a Catholic girls’s school, I met a
young lady and fell madly in love for the first time. It was an agony
and ecstacy known only to teenagers. You could chart the ensuing decline
in my academic grade point average from that moment. I also retain
fond memories of stopping at a hotel in Washington after school, with a
group of fellow students, which had a t.v. studio which broadcast a show
which mimicked the American Bandstand show out of Philadelphia. It was
wonderful to dance and know that you were on television!
Looking back, I consider myself to have been a fairly normal young man
who survived the teenage years more or less in one piece.
While it may be true that one never forgets their first love, I also
know for sure that you never forget your first jobs. In my case,
whatever other character-building took place from those work
experiences, I learned, too, that I am not a morning person. I learned
this because nearly every job I held required me to be up and at ‘em at
the crack of dawn. Delivering newspapers; driving an ice cream truck
(the jingle from which haunted my dreams for years); mail carrier; and
handling baggage at the airport. None of them, however, fully prepared
me for life in the U.S. Army (more in a moment).
After high school, and following a year as a mailman, I enrolled at
college, in the Speech and Drama Dept. of The Catholic University of
America. As college theater departments go, CU had one of the big league
programs. Very professional. Convinced as I was that acting would be my
career, I found it nearly impossible to remain interested in all the
academic courses one needed to take besides those related to the
theater. After a year and a half, during which I worked at nights
sorting mail at the Washington, D.C. post office, I was burned out and
decided I needed to just get away and sort through my options. The
most favorable memory I retain from that period at Catholic
University is that I acted in a play directed by then-student Jon Voight,
who would later go on to win an Academy Award and be father to a leading
Hollywood actress, Angelina Jolie.
One of my “options” turned out to be the U.S. Army. They had
a draft in those days, which required serving a two year hitch. I
spent those two years in Ft. Jackson, S.C. and at Ft. Benning, Ga. I was
assigned to duty as a machine gunner in an infantry company in the 2nd
Infantry Division. It was a life-expanding experience. I lived,
ate, worked, and slept with people from all over the country and many
different walks of life. It also exposed me to African-Americans
up close and personal for the first time. In those days, racial
segregation was still common, especially in the South. In fact, the only
integrated organization in the country was the U.S. Armed Forces, thanks
to an Executive Order of President Truman in 1949. Blacks did not attend
the public schools that whites attended, nor were they allowed to be
seated and eat in restaurants frequented by whites. Blacks could not buy
or rent houses in “white” neighborhoods. Throughout the South, blacks
were discouraged from voting by a variety of means, including charging
them a “poll tax” which many could not afford, or requiring answering
detailed questions regarding the state’s constitution as a condition for
voting eligibility. These and dozens of other indignities visited on
blacks are hard to believe here in the 21st century. But that was
the environment in which I grew up. However, I quickly learned that if I
needed a few bucks ‘till payday, or a clean t-shirt for inspection, or
someone to take my kitchen duty if I had other plans, it was the black
guys I could always count on!!
I have often thanked the Good Lord that I never heard a shot fired in
battle during my time in the Army. However, the closest the world came
to a nuclear holocaust was in October, 1962, when the Soviet Union
(Russia) placed nuclear missiles in Cuba. Our President, John Kennedy,
threatened war if they were not removed. We young soldiers were armed up
to the teeth and awaiting an airlift to Cuba when the Russians backed
down. Frankly, the scariest part of this whole episode was sitting
around our barracks with all of us, knuckleheads included, having live
hand grenades, and loaded rifles. I kept waiting for one of them to pull
the pin on one just as a joke to see what would happen!!
Shortly after my discharge, I made a date with a girl I had known for a
number of years. She was at that time an airline stewardess, sharing an
apartment with two other girls. I arrived at the apartment and my date
wasn’t quite ready. As I waited, I visited with her roommate,
Grace Cooney. On my part, it was love at first sight. Soon
thereafter, I returned to the apartment, this time to visit further with
Grace. One thing led to another and 42 years later (as I write this
journal) we are still happily married, and loving each other more than
ever.
The Lord blessed us with three sons: Jason, Terrence, and Matthew.
Perhaps because my father seemed to favor his daughters, I always wanted
sons. Looking back, I greatly enjoyed raising them, and we were very
lucky that Grace could be a stay-at-home mother during their formative
years. We are so proud of the men they have grown up to be.
I returned to civilian life in 1963 and found that, having not yet
completed my college degree, my career choices were somewhat limited. My
dad had a friend who was a Deputy Secretary of Commerce. With one phone
call to him, I found myself employed there as a temporary clerk, GS-I
I had to learn to type in a hurry in order to pass the Civil Service
typing test. I rented a typewriter (this in the days BEFORE electric
machines) and banged away. Upon passing the test, my salary was
increased to $1,620/yr (no, that is not a typo!). In that job, I kept
the financial records for several commercial trade fairs the Department
sponsored overseas. The show managers would call in from exotic-sounding
places with budget issues, freight problems, etc.
I used to give up my lunch so I could walk a few blocks to attend daily
mass at St. Patrick’s church. I remember it like yesterday, kneeling and
asking the Lord to somehow get me out of the drudgery of this lowly
position and give me a chance to travel the world and see new and
exciting places like those trade show managers.. Over time, I attended
college courses at night, eventually earning my degree. Shortly
thereafter, the country was building up our armed forces to fight a war
in Vietnam This also created lots of jobs in the Department of Defense,
and, so I transferred to that department and spent the remainder
of my career there.
Over the next 33 years, I rose to occupy a position in the Senior
Executive Service . Grace and I also had the opportunity to
live in both Hawaii and Germany and I did indeed travel to many of
the cities I remembered from the trade shows of my early career. I also
had the opportunity to attend the Naval War College in Newport, R.I.,
during which time I completed a Masters Degree.
Looking back over my government career, no one will ever convince me
that the Lord doesn’t answer prayers.
I took an opportunity to retire early from my Civil Service job,
and went back to college to earn the necessary credits to be certified
to become a school teacher and, for the next 10 years, I taught
Government to eighth graders in a public middle school in Virginia
Beach, Va. It was a job I found very stressful. Rain or shine, not
matter how you felt on any given day, nor whatever concerns you
had about things going on in your personal life, the “curtain” went up
every school day and there needed to be something to “perform” before a
class of 30 13/14 year old students. However, it could also be deeply
satisfying on those occasions when I felt I had really gotten through to
the class. I retired for the last time in 2002.
Several real-life crises faced the country during my time as a teacher.
In 1998, we lived through the Impeachment proceedings concerning
President Clinton. It was left to me to explain not only the process,
but also the tawdry details of his activities with a young White House
intern that led up to it. “What did the President do with her?”was one
of their favorite questions! Teenagers being what they are, we all knew
that those who asked that question already had a pretty good idea of the
answer!! I drove them nuts be simply saying “inappropriate behavior”.
In 2000, we suffered through the Presidential election, including
the involvement of the U.S. Supreme Court- an occurrence not likely to
be repeated in my and maybe your lifetimes. Then, in 2001, the attack on
the World Trade Center refocused the attention of the entire
country on the war on terrorism. As I write this journal, we are
still bogged down in a war in Iraq. By the time you read this, it will
have been settled in one fashion or another. I suspect it will end by us
simply pulling out our troops and letting the competing Muslim factions
fight it out. In my view, history will record this as a loss for the
United States.
I had thought it might be helpful for your understanding for me to
comment on the times in which I’ve lived; however, so much has happened
that it doesn’t lend itself to easy summarization- but I’ll try.
I was born at the beginning of World War II. As terrible as that
war was, it also led to an economic boom in the country. Seldom in our
history has there been an equivalent period of expansion in jobs,
home ownership, college enrollment, consumer goods manufacturing,
and rising wages than during the immediate post war period. Also,
millions of women had entered the work force while the men were
overseas. After the war, many decided to keep working; thus did the
working wife and mother become commonplace in our society. Blacks had
also served the country with gallantry, and, as a result, the seeds were
planted which led to the Supreme Court ending segregation in public
schools in 1954.
As we surveyed the post-war world, we were the only major country to
come through the war unscathed. It fell to America to help rebuild
all the other countries, friends and foes alike.
Just as we were getting used to peace, war broke out in an obscure,
divided country in Asia. South Korea appealed to the United Nations for
help in turning back the invasion by communist forces from the North.
It lasted three years. We fought to a stand-still . We lost 42,000
troops killed or missing in action. It was the first war that America
had fought that , while we didn’t lose, we didn’t win, either.
Ten years later, we would again send troops into battle to repel
communist invaders from another divided, and very obscure country -
Vietnam. This war dragged on for ten years and we lost 56.000 more
troops. This is the first war America ever lost. It also started a
national debate that is still underway at this time; namely, should
America be the “policeman” for the entire world.
Besides military actions, the country was confronted by African
-Americans who had been disenfranchised from full participation in
society. In what is known as the Civil Rights Movement, they demanded
equal rights be accorded them as to all other citizens. In many ensuing
court rulings, their demands were sustained. The integration of
blacks into the American middle classes has been difficult and uneven.
However, it is ongoing and has changed the face of our country for the
better. Laws can be changed; changing hearts takes longer.
Two tragedies that shook the nation to its core occurred in the 1960's.
First, the country had elected a young, handsome, charismatic U.S.
Senator, John F. Kennedy as President in 1961. During a campaign trip to
Dallas, Tx, in 1963, he was assassinated. Five years later, the
leader of the Civil Rights Movement, the Rev. Martin Luther King, was
gunned down in Memphis, Tn. These murders in my view, are
still effecting the country in ways large and small . We have lost our
innocence, if such a thing is possible for a nation. It makes people
feel vulnerable in some ways that they didn’t feel before. People were
reminded again that “the good times” always end, sometimes suddenly.
Life is truly uncertain.
On the plus side, the most amazing thing to have happened was in 1969,
when we landed the first men on the moon. Your generation may well
experience exploration to Mars and other planets. Propulsion systems may
be invented that allow flights outside of our solar system. But, for my
generation, the Man-on-the- Moon will always stand out as an amazing,
nearly mind-boggling occurrence. I clearly remember, after seeing the
landing on our television, our entire neighborhood coming outside
in the dark that night and looking up at the moon in absolute wonder at
what man had accomplished.
Two particularly troubling issues confront America as I write this. One
is immigration. While we have always benefitted from waves of new
immigrants coming to our country, in the last decade, we have nearly
been overwhelmed with a flood of millions of Mexican and other Latin
Americans entering illegally. Most have neither a knowledge of English,
nor much in the way of education. What they contribute is a vast pool of
unskilled labor, which acts to reduce wages for our own low-skilled
workers, of course, puts great strain on states’ schools and social
services.
The other issue is the rise of a fundamentalist strain of Islam. These
are Muslims who believe that their holy book, the Koran, says that
anyone who is not a Muslim, should be killed. While they have caused
many nations to concentrate on security, due to a variety of building
bombing, etc. the ultimate threat they present is mass destruction
if they are able to lay hands on nuclear weapons or even biological
devices. This can be a long, protracted conflict which your generation
may have to solve.
Well, this should be enough to at least give you a sense of me and my
times. I’m glad it’s me writing this, so I don’t have to be brutally
frank as might a true biographer. In my view, I see myself as one who
likes to laugh, be with family and a few close friends and is always up
for a trip. I like to travel, play golf, and watch NFL football,
especially our home team, the Washington Redskins. I don’t care for
cocktail parties and other formal gatherings, nor do I like jazz, and I
hate home repair projects.
Overall, I love my Lord, Jesus Christ, my wife, Grace, and our sons and
their children. While I occasionally purchase a ticket when the Lottery
is very large, I always say, and believe in my heart, that I have
already won life’s lottery. A merciful God has given me everything a man
could want in this life and if He calls me home to Heaven tomorrow, I’ll
leave knowing I had a great, wonderful life. It is my greatest
hope that you will be able to say the same one day.